Dressing Twins

When we lived in the San Francisco Bay area we used to visit “The City” (as San Francisco is referred to by the rest of the area’s population). One of our favorite places to visit was Union Square, with its beautiful shops and restaurants. For me part of the attraction was to see identical twin sisters, who were in their eighties at this time, dressed exactly alike and to the nines. They always wore hats and gloves. Their hairstyles were identical, and always perfect. We encountered these ladies almost every time we visited the area, and each time it was like meeting old friends, though I never spoke to them. They were such a curiosity that they were once featured on Parade Magazine. I never knew anything about them, but it was fun to see two seemingly identical beings walking down the street so elegantly and meticulously dressed.

I have since found that it is a great temptation to dress twins alike. It isn’t just the ease of picking outfits, but the idea of equity. But it is important to encourage individuality, even as the idea of a twin special bond is recognized.

The solutions that I have found is to have them coordinate, rather than match. When I buy anything for my granddaughters I try to have the items be slightly different. If it is a pair of earrings, I chose the same general style, but have one pair be tinny squares, while the other pair is tinny circles. When it comes to dresses, I will pick identical styles, but different colors, so that each one will have the dress that is most becoming to her. Other times I will chose outfits that come in the same fabric and color, but the styles are different.

I admit that it can be a hassle, since I don’t always find a coordinating outfit for a dress that I have fallen in love with, but it is worth the extra effort to see each girl as an individual, and yet encourage their special relationship.

Making Memories with the Help of YouTube

When my sister Martha and I were little, our grandfather used to sing us a song from the Spanish Zarzuela “La Vervena de la Paloma”; he used to sin “Una morena y una rubia, hijas del pueblo de Madrid…” (A blond and a brunette, daughters of the town of Madrid…) . Though my sister and I are not twins, we were the youngest ones in the family, and always did many things together. I was blond, with blue eyes; and my sister had dark hair and eyes.

After my twin granddaughters were born I began singing that song to them. Inez is blond and Sylvie has darker hair. Two problems with my singing attempts: The first is that I have a terrible voice; the second is that I did not know the lyrics to the whole song, only part of it. One day it occurred to me that in the massive amount of videos posted on YouTube there had to be at least one version of this song. Sure enough, I found several versions, and I picked the one I liked the most. I have revived that memory for myself, and my granddaughters will have that memory to take into de future.

As an added memory maker, I found the DVD of the zarzuela on the Internet, and I bought a copy for my sister Martha; now she too can remember and enjoy!

Twins and Grandma: In Search of Equality

It was an awesome (that trite word!) sight to see my son-in-law walking down the hospital corridor pushing the little basinet with two tinny pink bundles inside. “Two girls” he said, and a sound rose from my throat, somewhere between a cry and sob, thus the adventure started.

My husband, my son, and I huddled around the nursery window, with our noses stuck to the glass, while my son-in-law followed the nurses’ lead and tried to handle the girls without showing his fear. Baby B was closes to the window so we were able to focus more on her; Baby A was away from us, being kept under a lamp because she was having trouble keeping her body temperature up. This issue went on for a couple more days after the delivery. Baby A, now Sylvie, was being closely held by my daughter so that she could receive body warmth. Baby B, now Inez, was free to be held by anyone who was close by. We all felt lucky to have a baby to hold, while the other one was somewhat out of reach from us. But after two days of this I began to feel anxious. I was worried that I was bonding with one granddaughter, and not at all l with the other one. I was getting to know Inez, while Sylvie was an still an enigma. Well, almost a year and a half latter I realize I should not have worried, as the issue was quickly resolved.

As I look back, and forward, I realize that trying to spend equal time, and equal interaction with both children is similar to trying to develop an equitable relationship with all your children, except that with twin and other multiples, it happens immediately, rather than having a natural progression. You want to be fair and impartial, and love them the same. And in the rush to take care of the babies’ needs, it can be overwhelming. But, as with your own children, each one will have his or her own personality and needs, even if they are identical. The worry and fear will son fade away, and it will be replaced by the daily events that make up a life. These events will define the relationship that you will have with each child, as their personalities become more and more defined, you will respond and relate to each one individually. As long as you appreciate the richness in their differences, you will love them equally, though not the same. One will make you laugh, the other will be sweet as pie; one will be the family mime, the other one will be the clown; similar, yet distinct.