Twins and Grandma: In Search of Equality

It was an awesome (that trite word!) sight to see my son-in-law walking down the hospital corridor pushing the little basinet with two tinny pink bundles inside. “Two girls” he said, and a sound rose from my throat, somewhere between a cry and sob, thus the adventure started.

My husband, my son, and I huddled around the nursery window, with our noses stuck to the glass, while my son-in-law followed the nurses’ lead and tried to handle the girls without showing his fear. Baby B was closes to the window so we were able to focus more on her; Baby A was away from us, being kept under a lamp because she was having trouble keeping her body temperature up. This issue went on for a couple more days after the delivery. Baby A, now Sylvie, was being closely held by my daughter so that she could receive body warmth. Baby B, now Inez, was free to be held by anyone who was close by. We all felt lucky to have a baby to hold, while the other one was somewhat out of reach from us. But after two days of this I began to feel anxious. I was worried that I was bonding with one granddaughter, and not at all l with the other one. I was getting to know Inez, while Sylvie was an still an enigma. Well, almost a year and a half latter I realize I should not have worried, as the issue was quickly resolved.

As I look back, and forward, I realize that trying to spend equal time, and equal interaction with both children is similar to trying to develop an equitable relationship with all your children, except that with twin and other multiples, it happens immediately, rather than having a natural progression. You want to be fair and impartial, and love them the same. And in the rush to take care of the babies’ needs, it can be overwhelming. But, as with your own children, each one will have his or her own personality and needs, even if they are identical. The worry and fear will son fade away, and it will be replaced by the daily events that make up a life. These events will define the relationship that you will have with each child, as their personalities become more and more defined, you will respond and relate to each one individually. As long as you appreciate the richness in their differences, you will love them equally, though not the same. One will make you laugh, the other will be sweet as pie; one will be the family mime, the other one will be the clown; similar, yet distinct.